Balthor
03-11-2009, 05:53 AM
A couple really funny lists.
http://home.earthlink.net/~markstewart/kirk.index.html and
http://www.asandler.com/jokes/lists/kirksex.shtml
For whatever reason, I remember these lists as some of the first things I ever read on the internet like 15 years ago. I think my dad and I searched for jokes and found these.
Some of my favorites:
Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk
Two words: Shoulder Roll.
Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
Kirk is not put off by green skin.
Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
Kirk has caused computers to self-destruct by out-thinking them on three separate occasions.
When Picard was in the Academy he got stabbed in the heart. When Kirk was in the Academy he beat the unbeatable Kobyoshi Maru scenario and bagged Carol Marcus in his spare time.
When Sisko met Picard he told him he hated him. When Sisko met Kirk he got his autograph.
Picard quotes Shakespeare for fun. Kirk quotes Shakespeare to intimidate his enemies.
When the evil aliens use a stun ray on the crew, Kirk always stays conscious for a minimum of 15 seconds longer than everyone else.
Kirk once said: “You’re the Captain’s woman till he says your not.”
Kirk would have slept with Beverly Crusher by episode two.
When Abraham Lincoln appeared floating in space in front of the Enterprise, Kirk didn’t even blink.
87% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to kill Kirk.
The other 13% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to be killed by Kirk in glorious battle.
Kirk once taught an emotionless female android how to love. Then he broke up with her.
And on that note the new Star Trek movie is going to kick ass.
http://home.earthlink.net/~markstewart/kirk.index.html and
http://www.asandler.com/jokes/lists/kirksex.shtml
For whatever reason, I remember these lists as some of the first things I ever read on the internet like 15 years ago. I think my dad and I searched for jokes and found these.
Some of my favorites:
Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk
Two words: Shoulder Roll.
Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
Kirk is not put off by green skin.
Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
Kirk has caused computers to self-destruct by out-thinking them on three separate occasions.
When Picard was in the Academy he got stabbed in the heart. When Kirk was in the Academy he beat the unbeatable Kobyoshi Maru scenario and bagged Carol Marcus in his spare time.
When Sisko met Picard he told him he hated him. When Sisko met Kirk he got his autograph.
Picard quotes Shakespeare for fun. Kirk quotes Shakespeare to intimidate his enemies.
When the evil aliens use a stun ray on the crew, Kirk always stays conscious for a minimum of 15 seconds longer than everyone else.
Kirk once said: “You’re the Captain’s woman till he says your not.”
Kirk would have slept with Beverly Crusher by episode two.
When Abraham Lincoln appeared floating in space in front of the Enterprise, Kirk didn’t even blink.
87% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to kill Kirk.
The other 13% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to be killed by Kirk in glorious battle.
Kirk once taught an emotionless female android how to love. Then he broke up with her.
And on that note the new Star Trek movie is going to kick ass.